The Need To Stop

I've been here before. It's a cycle and it's not a healthy one. 

I still love the person but he doesn't. He really doesn't. He said so. But I just can't get him off my mind. I'm still affected a lot and I don't like what I'm feeling anymore. 

I want this to stop and I want to move on and stop feeling what I'm feeling. I want to stop loving him. I want him not to matter anymore. It's hurting me a lot and it's hurting me for so long. 

I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I just want to stop this whole thing. I just don't know how. 

One of the things I told myself I'd do is to stop contacting him. I'll do my best not to contact him anymore or learn about his whereabouts. This is something I've successfully done in one day and I hope I can continue to do this. I will. I should. 

I want to hate him. And I think I should continue to think about all those things that he did that hurt me so I could hate him. I should stop thinking about what made me happy. It's a negative emotion but if it's what works for me, then I'm willing to do that. 

Or maybe just writing about it will help me stop. Lord, I need this to stop. And if possible, right now. I'm not happy anymore.