Still In Love With The Same Guy

Plenty of things have happened between us and he has already been pushing me away for quite some time. But there is something really wrong with me. I'm still in love with the same guy. 

He has tried different tactics and he has done a lot of things. But still, here I am. 

The thing though is that I have seen that it's either I have gotten used to him pushing me away or that I do not love him as much as I did before. I think it's the former. I may have gotten used to the heartache and the pain that whatever he throws my way, I feel bad but not as worse as I did before. 

The most recent one was when he told me that he's gay. It does answer a lot of questions as per why he still hasn't been in a relationship for so long. He was single when I met him and he has always been single. Well, at least to my knowledge. 

He calls me "Ses", which is some sort of gay talk. So to show him that I am here as a friend, I started to call him "Beshie." I will be his friend and I can do this, if he has really decided that he has gone gay. 

Right now, he has already been accepted at a job that would take him away from me. I am scared for him but excited at the same time. That is why no matter what I think, I will keep all of those thoughts to myself and just let him be. I will be a friend and I will support him. 

Now, I am praying for peace of mind. I want to stop thinking about him (which I seem to be doing non-stop!) and to stop loving him like how I have been for quite some time now. I can still love him though but only as a friend so I pray that these be granted to me.